A divorce is probably incredibly hard for you, but it’s probably equally hard for your friends to deal with once they learn you are getting a divorce. Like any major life change, there is an adjustment period where the dynamic between you and your friends begins to shift and change.

My Friends are Gone

If you’re having trouble contacting and connecting with your friends after you told them that you’re getting a divorce, you’re not really alone. Your friends are probably not gone forever, but they may have good reasons to appear distant while they adjust to the news. Here are a couple of reasons your friends might look like they are avoiding you:

They don’t know what to say. It can be difficult to find the words when someone tells you they’ve decided to go solo, especially if this particular friend knew both you and your spouse. They may feel like they are caught in the middle and are struggling to decide who to talk to.

They are fearful that this bodes badly for their own marriage. Maybe you have a friend or two that looked up to the solidness of your marriage that are now wondering if their own marriages are going to survive. It’s completely normal to worry that whatever’s happening to other people may happen to you as well, and they may just need some time to think things through.

They may feel overwhelmed with divorce talk. It’s completely normal for you to want to lean on your closest friends and family during a divorce, but too much divorce talk can be difficult for even the strongest to handle. They may miss sharing all of the bad and good in their own lives with you.

In reality, your friends are not gone, but most of them will just need a small break before they return. Above all, keep in contact, but don’t push them until they’re ready. Express that you miss them and wish to have them play a more active role in your life, and then let them be. Don’t lose yourself and your perspective during a divorce; talk to an experienced divorce lawyer in California if you have any questions about you, your friends, or your family.