Dating after a divorce is far from impossible, and it can actually be a wonderful step forward into a new chapter of your life. It’s not always easy bouncing back from a difficult divorce, but knowing what to avoid will help you have a better experience once you take that leap. Keeping everything in perspective will help you get back into the game in a thoughtful, reasonable manner. Here are three misconceptions that you should avoid.

Dating again will rebuild your self-confidence. Although someone finding you attractive again can be a confidence booster, it’s better that you actually build your confidence back up yourself before you expect someone else to do it. Don’t depend on a new man or woman to make you feel wanted again – want yourself first.

You need someone completely different than your ex (different hobbies, jobs, etc). When someone disappoints you like your ex probably did, it can be difficult to love the things that they once loved in a new person. For example, if your ex loved baseball and your new honey loves baseball too, that can automatically become a bad thing. The fact of the matter is that everyone is unique, but sometimes features and personality traits cross. This doesn’t mean you can’t love someone new in a different way –they are, in fact, a different person.

Push your anxieties away because ‘you have to get over them someday’. It’s true – you do have to get over your anxieties someday. But no matter who you are, dating causes some nervousness in you. It’s best to go slowly after you’ve divorced someone, as it will mean that you have time in each stage to get over than anxious hump.

Allow yourself to heal after a Californian divorce, and make sure you watch out for yourself first.