One of the most difficult parts of getting a divorce is that you now have to recognize that you and your ex are no longer on the same team. It’s time to realize that you’re no longer shooting for the same things and you are no longer, in many cases, friends. You can’t confide in your ex anymore, and that can be absolutely devastating, especially if you weren’t expecting this divorce at all.

So there comes a time when you have to negotiate the terms of your divorce through a third party. Even if you don’t have children, how to split assets and property can take time and effort, especially when you have to justify why you’re asking for certain things. Things will be said you never expected to be said, and your attorney will tell you not to say things that you want to say to your ex. Ultimately, this means it’s time to develop your poker face.

You can and will give away information to your ex in California in ways you may not expect you could. For example, confiding in a friend that is both his and yours can be difficult, because sometimes (with good intentions) that friend will pass on information to your ex that they don’t need to know. Make sure you only confide in people you know won’t turn around and talk to your ex about the same issues.

Your poker face will also come in handy when you have to maintain at least a cordial relationship with the person you are divorcing, especially if you have children together. There is a very fine line between being friendly and giving away things you shouldn’t give away. Your poker face can help you keep the lines of communication open, but keep your boundaries up so you don’t give away anything that should stay between you and your lawyer.

Remember, you and your ex aren’t enemies in most cases of divorce, you are just on opposing sides, and opposing sides keep their secrets quiet. Remember, above all, that you will get through this with the help of a good lawyer and support network.